This state of awareness seems fleeting as it floats in the darkness and abruptly merges with some powerful light source. Then there is nothing.

Awareness arises again. Energy is everywhere. A consciousness of the Cosmos gives way to wholeness-to oneness. Everything is ever-present. There are vibrational frequencies everywhere. Forms arise as vibrations- trees, rocks, animals, humans, and objects, all vibrating their own frequencies - yet, all are sourced by the same energy force. It all fits together. Everything fits together – it is an interdependent whole.

With this full awareness, my consciousness re-enters my body. An overwhelming feeling of connectedness and love comes over me. A complete understanding of my relationship to the whole penetrated my every being. We are one! We are not separate. We are part of this great, intelligent energy force - we are part of spirit. There is no such thing as death. Our experience of death is merely an illusion of the mind; the mind that in its limited, temporal state, perceives us as separate. Our consciousness is ever-present with our source.

The realization of our deep, existential experiences of aloneness, and fear of death, comes crushing down around me. I observe that all the suffering I experienced prior to my surrender was due to my fear of being alone; my fear of death. Had I known then what I know now, I would have let go immediately. I would have surrendered to the darkness of the abyss with absolute abandon. At once, I am filled with an extraordinary sense of sadness and compassion as I relieve the sensations of pain and terror that so overwhelmed me just before my surrender. I was present to both, these excruciating emotions, and the absolute awareness of their illusion. The sadness that came over me arose from my knowledge that until we surrender and experience the illusion of death, we inevitably will suffer the accompanying pain and terror. The compassion came from my connection with all of humanity and knowing first hand that this is a subjective, personal experience that everyone must go through and there is nothing I can say or do to alleviate their suffering.

I began to cry like I have never cried before. The depths of my feelings, as sad as they were, filled my heart with unimaginable warmth and unity. Clearly, I was tapping into the universal well of love. Its power, its intensity, its goodness, its tenderness kept washing over me like waves in the ocean. I became submerged with its core, its essence, its truth. For the first time I realized what it means to be in love, that is, inside love. Love was not inside of me- I was inside love. I had arrived home. It is not as if I had to do anything or go anywhere. Love is always there. I am always in it whether I am conscious of it or not. All that happened for me is that I woke up to it. The veil of illusion was lifted to reveal where I have always been- where I am always.

I could feel my soul dancing, soaring, laughing joyously. I am home; I have always been home. We are all home. An unspeakable yearning to share with others came over me. Where do I begin? What do I say? How can I communicate this experience, this knowledge? As Socrates said, “I cannot pour sight into eyes, they must see for themselves.” I concluded that all I need to do is live my life inside love.