As I reflect on what I have written thus far, what I recognize is the manner in which the past and the present tenses seem to merge together. In the world of emotions there is no past or present, there is only the now. And often the now of the emotions is the single existing reality. If I am in joy, I can hardly relate to a feeling of sorrow and when I am in pain I cannot relate to being happy. The emotional world has the capacity to grab all of my attention and focus it only on that which I am feeling. Consequently, when I experience pain or sorrow, it is as if I am falling into this never-ending space from which I cannot break away. Because my emotions are so powerful and all encompassing, when bringing attention to them, I actually feels\ like I am going to get stuck there- hence my desire to flee.

I am fleeing because when I am inside them I don’t see a way out. The pain gets more painful, the fear becomes greater and the agitation and irritability increase. Any attempts to conjure up other feelings fail miserably. The experience is one of absolute loss, aloneness and darkness. Nothing is possible in this space; there is no escape. I feel helpless, vulnerable, and confused. My mind wants to fix these feelings. It wants to understand them and make them better. It begins to try to figure them out. It questions what is wrong with me and why am I feeling this way. It begins to torment me with criticism and judgment. It does not want these feelings there and it demands that I get rid of them somehow. NOW!! It goes around in circles, aggravating them further as it attempts to make sense of them and explain them away. As long as the mind does its thing, the emotions are doing theirs. As the mind attempts to distract, explain and suppress them, the emotions insist on remaining exactly where they are, and if anything they will fortify themselves and exaggerate themselves so that they will not be carelessly dismissed. They will be heard one way or another and there is nothing the mind can do about it. They want my undivided attention; they refuse to let the mind hijack my consciousness. They are here to communicate with me and they know they have something important to share with me.

The power of the emotions and their nature of being the only thing that exists in the moment, overwhelm the mind. It is inconceivable to the mind that the emotions need to be surrendered to. Not seeing a way out, the mind wants to protect itself and my psyche from the never-ending pain it imagines. In the midst of the emotional experience, it has no clue that these emotions are temporary. It also has no clue that the emotions are more than just uncomfortable feelings; that they actually may hold information that is essential for my well-being. Therefore, it fights to protect itself and me from its perception of perpetual suffering. One may ask why am I separating my mind from myself. The fact is that I am not my mind, just as I am not my emotions. The me part of me-the conscious part of me-is not my mind, not my body and not my emotions. Understanding that reality helps me extricate myself from my minds’ fears and distortions, as it reminds me that these feelings are just temporary and actually useful for me to explore. I am getting ahead of myself. More on this further ahead.