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We Are Sexual Beings
By Ronit
Other biological issues
Additionally, two other important biological factors come into play which significantly lowers a woman’s sexual drive, childbirth and menopause. In both instances, hormones play an important role. Since one of the primary biological drives for sex is reproduction, the sexual drive for women post childbirth and post childbearing years diminishes greatly. (If you are a man, and still reading this paper, you may feel like nature is playing some practical joke on you or is down right cruel. I don’t blame you. Look at the bright side, it is better to know that this is her wiring and not her rejection of you)
After childbirth, men can help their women by sharing more of the caretaking and household responsibilities. If they support their women, men can achieve two objectives, their partners feel loved and cared for, and they get some much needed rest. Feeling loved and rested, they are more likely to feel a desire to make love. This would be a great opportunity for the man to take the out the trash.
Post menopausal women should know that there are ways to increase their sexual drive. There are many resource books available on this subject, including The Wisdom of Menopause, by Dr. Christiane Northrup.
Finally, women thrive on sharing their feelings and communicating about relationships. To quote Dr. Brizendine again, "Connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers in a girl's brain. We're not talking about a small amount of pleasure. This is huge. It's a major dopamine and oxytocin rush, which is the biggest, fattest neurological reward you can get outside of an orgasm." Appreciating the effect connecting through talking has on women, can provide men with the incentive to become more attentive and engaged in conversation with them. In the bedroom, both need to communicate honestly what they like or dislike. Men are more comfortable asking for what they want. Women are reluctant to say what brings them pleasure either because of their social upbringing or because they are afraid of hurting their man’s feelings. For both their sake, it is time for women to be authentic in the bedroom.
Conclusion
The intention of this article is to help couples understand, respect and work through their sexual differences. At this point, it is important to acknowledge that certain issues, as they pertain to men’s biological needs, have not been addressed. These include men’s natural tendency to look at other women (men’s sexual drive is greatly triggered by visual cues), and their biological drive for variety. The complexities and implications of these issues necessitate a separate discussion.
Ultimately, I hope this article creates an opening for discussing our sexuality more freely so that some of the suffering around this issue will be alleviated. In this new open space, we may also begin to provide our children (age appropriately) with better education, giving them a chance to lead healthier emotional and sexual lives. We are sexual beings and we want to expose our children to sex in a matter of fact way, without all the hang ups and indirect, harmful innuendos that are currently present in our society.
As we develop a true appreciation for how our different programming affects the genders’ behaviors, perhaps we might also develop some humor around this issue. After all, from an evolutionary perspective we may understand how our different wiring served the survival of our species in the past. But for goodness sake - at this point in our evolution - it is truly absurd. What choice do we have…we might as well laugh about it.
*If you are interested read the “Why Humans Have Sex” study (pdf).
Please note these findings describe mostly single, undergraduate individuals.
Ronit,
thank you so much, this is highly educational and inspirational, love you
Jodan
From a biological perspective it seems to serve a man to leave his wife after his children have grown and pursue a younger mate. Biologically one of the strongest merits of marriage and monogamy is the increased chance our offspring thrive. However, I think this is only an issue for us because grandparents are so marginalized in our society. Grandparents no longer play a role survival of their DNA. Divorce rates appear to be less in cultures where grandparents have a role in the family and where the extended family is the primary family unit rather than the nuclear family.
If that is the case then maintaining an enduring relationship in western culture, sexual or otherwise, would be a hard fight indeed.
There were some fantastic points in this article. I think it deserves such a powerful treatment because, regardless of what we think of our role on this planet, we are all animals. Also, there are billions of people here on earth and every one of us is here because of sex making the issue arguably the most important topic. Not one of us would be here if not for sex.
Good stuff.
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